Last weekend, my kiddie cousins Dayah (Standard 4) and little Nana (4-y.0) slept at my house. Kelakar sangat Nana pujuk her parents on letting her go off with me and Dayah to my house (they stayed in Kg Melayu Subang). Siap menangis2 lagi. This is the first time she ever followed me home (and tak sangka pulak she has the guts to sleep without her parents). We planned to go to the Zoo Negara the next day, alongwith Dayah’s brother Taufeeq (Standard 2) and Nana’s big brothers (Luqman – Standard 5, Hakeem – Standard 3 and Haziq – Standard 2).
Nana was the most excited (and energetic amongst them all!)
I couldn’t sleep that night – Dayah kept on complaining that my room is hot (don’t blame my aircond-less room, blame the global warming, Dayah!) and Nana kept on terjaga2 and I have to tepuk2 her back to sleep. OMG. How laaaa to jaga kids ni? Sacrificing your sleep will be high on agenda. #$%^& (contemplating whether I’d be okay with that)🙂
The next day, when I woke up for my Subuh prayer, Nana terbangun and terus tanya “Kak Nee, dah pagi ke? Nak pergi zoo pukul berapa?” I couldn’t help but smiling and put her back to sleep. Gosh, how I wish I have a daughter just as CUTE as that!
We had fun at the zoo tho it was demm hot. But this little girl, she never complained even once. She was always (did I said energetic?) and always wanted to try new things. There was one time when all the boys wanted to try the steep slide and she asked me whether she can try that as well. Being a concern me (I have to answer to their parent for anything, so decisions always in my hand – and I always have to makesure I made the right one!), I was reluctant at first. But she begged and begged and my last question was “Nana, betul ke? Berani ke ni?” and she nodded like nobody’s business. I caved in. She went down that ride with a pale face (serik maybe), but I was intrigued with that curiosity side of hers.
She’s my precious gem. And I love her so much (and other cousins as well, no doubt about that) but she’s different, coz I saw myself in her.
Looking at her, I couldn’t help but imagined myself many years ago. Living with 3 boys in the house (who tends to bully you all the time) and not being among the eldest, I have always strive to compete with the rest and equipped myself for survival. Examples and precedents have been set by the elders, so I must makesure that I either beat the records or at least maintained myself at par. Be it in terms of studies (both my brothers were best student back in school), sports (I played hockey because my 2nd brother played as well), extra curricular activities (I ensured myself being the Assistant Head Prefect coz my brother was the Head Prefect and active in clubs and society) and others. Those fighting and survival instinct were instilled inside of me long before I knew it. But I didn’t regret any of that. It makes me a better (or perhaps stronger) woman than the rest.
But Nana, Kak Nee hoped you won’t grow up being bitter as I am. Life’s unfair, that’s for sure, but it’s up to you to pattern your own plain white cloth with the colour of your choice! ;)