No, not literally hanging, just an expression.
Weirdest thing happens at the least expected time, innit?
Got a call from an unsaved number yesterday. Of course I won’t bother to pick up. Lantak pi la ada orang cedera parah ke, nak mati beranak ke, I just couldn’t bring myself to picking up anonymous calls.
A text flew in.
“Syeda, kalau saya pinang awak, awak terima tak?”
As tempted as it may sound (heh, desperate times call for desperate measure), I replied “No thanks. Tak interested“.
(Ceh, gile tak romantik propose via text je ke especially coming from someone I DON’T KNOW!)
Then he introduced himself: Sayala.. Mr UFO..4pupu awak.
Note: Mr UFO was my SEMESTA sweetheart. He’s the type that never stick in my life for more than 2 months, he came and go as he pleased. Once he came, he’ll sweep me off my feet with sweet words and later left without any indication where. He’ll popped out later, in a year time or so. As far as I recalled, we reconciled more than 5 times in these last 10 years (2008 minus 1996 = 12 years kan?). The last time I checked, he didn’t pursue his studies, he didn’t have a decent job, he suffer from depression (this one I really couldn’t spill the bean that much) and he’s the most troubled person I’ve ever known dated so far.
Me: Mana dapat number saya ni?
Mr UFO: Still hafal number ni..
Me: Then, tak boleh ke nak message sekali sekala?
(That is me, trying to sound dissapointed and place the guilt on him coz I know that he has been through A LOT and the least I could do is giving him shoulder to cry on)
Mr UFO: Tak sengaja..Banyak musibah melanda. Awak suka lari dari problem tak?
Me: (knowing him too well) Saya tak lari dr problem, sebab problem tu ada je kat situ even awak tk cuba nak solve. Awak tau kan yang saya ada je kat sini untuk awak share problem..So dah mulakan hidup baru belum?
Mr UFO: Ntahla, kalau hidup baru aktiviti lama pun tak guna jugak. Betul ke awak memang ada dalam hidup saya?
Me: Saya memang selalu tengok2kan awak dr jauh..
Mr UFO: Tengok2kan aje? Ingatkan nak bersama sy sampai kiamat?
Me: Yang tu sy tak boleh nk janji. Jodoh ajal di tangan Tuhan. Only kalau awak jd good boy..
Mr UFO: I am a good boy. Indeed awak takkan jumpa org yg sebaik sy kat mana2 pun. Tapi kalau Allah mengkehendaki kita sampai akhirat awak nak lari ke mana?
Me: Ntahla. I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to start something yg sy xsure. I know u very well. dan apa yg awk ckp, susah sy nak percaya. Let time decide.
Mr UFO: Ok kalau awak susah nak percaya ckp saya, sy tkde ilmu nak bg awak percaya cuma sy harap awak tau yg sy tk pernah berhenti syg awak..
Me: Xmaula, awk tk kenal saya skrg. Mungkin awk kenal sy skrg, awk tk mampu nak sayang sy. Lagipun, let’s be realistic, how can u love a person after 10 years?
Mr UFO: Itu alasan awak sebab awak dh berubah. So, bila saya boleh dpt syg awak?
I have to gave myself 5minutes grace period as to answer that q. And..
Me: Bila awak dh sambung belajar, dah ade keje stabil, cukup smyg 5 waktu dan tak lari dr mslh, masa tu awak boleh syg saya..
Harsh as it may sounded, but I really2 need to get him back on track. For heaven’s sake, I’m tired of being caretaker of people’s problem around me. But if I have the power to change him for better by giving him the love and attention he needs, I would. In a heartbeat. Eventhough I don’t think I have the love like I used to have..
But knowing him that well, those conversation could be one of the crazy talks he always had on one of the crazy nights he never stops having. SO! No biggie though 😉