Behold! Of the (maybe) longest entry you have ever read in this blog. (Please bear with me coz I swear to you that my mind work like that lie-detector machine now, rushing with millions words I want to say out loud)
I could just sit at home and wallow. Walking down the memory lane, eating Baskin straight from its pint and watching The Notebook over and over again until the tears in my eyewell drains.
(For those that don’t know what in heaven I’m blabbering about, let’s just save to say that I’ve decided to play with fire (silly me?), and I got burnt. To the core. Hangus. Rentung.)
I chose to be strong. And in the past 72 hours, I have:
- Went down to S*pang to return all the things (he gave) that once meant something to me, and deleting all the memory we had in my brainbox and throwing them outta the car window on my way back and swear to myself that I will never repeat the mistakes I’ve made.
- Indulge on my favourite waffles with chocolate and banana (although I barely ate half of it) after that at Alamanda with my dear friend, Diana who never stopped holding my hands and telling me to stop being sad.
- Not sleeping a pinch for the first night and crying until I went to sleep (I’d be caught lying if I say I did not shed any tears at all lah kan?)
- Praying and mengaji and asking doa from God and for Him to make my heart less miserable
- Skipping work for two days without leaving any notes to my boss
- Woke up to an eyebag and decided the tears won’t bring everything back to normal, so I decided to go out and have lunch with my old friend Cobain at KLCC foodcourt, which later Mira said she wanted to tag along.
- Met Lynn at Villa Putra and fell asleep on her sofa after she soothed me with the hugs for seeing what a mess I was.
- Decided to get back on my two feet and met up with Ani after that at Midvalley to know the real truth about the cancelled wedding in August. Chilldown at Kenny Rogers but again, side dishes are the only that I can eat.
- Read book at MPH alone with the songs in my ears.
- Shahnaz and Liza were there too, they were real pillars in my life. We hung out at Secret Recipe for a cuppa and I’m feeling much2 better after that.
- Slept well. But kept on waking up every hour to only noticed there were no any texts in my inbox.
- Dimsum treat at Equestrian Club by two dear colleagues and to my surprise I only ate 4 pieces of it! I guess my appetite hasn’t come back to its crib.
- Met Ani again for DVD shopping spree (since that highly awaited Penang trip is paham-paham sendiri cancelled). We bought the latest seasons of Ugly Betty, One Tree HIll, Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives and Gossip Girl (we went out from the DVD store 100bucks poorer but ten times happier. We need this. Really)
- Chilldown with her at Burger King (and everything else seemed tastier!)
- Planned about our study trip (which will happen real soon!)
- Met dear friend Edzul for Wanted at Jusco Cheras (filem aksi melampau abad ini yang layan habis, but Seetha, McAvoy is definitely mine tau!)
- Stayed up until 3am to finish my fresh from oven Ugly Betty DVD. Owh, definitely Bettyer🙂
- Hancock this evening with my brothers.
- The MoF treasure hunt that supposed to take place this weekend is being postponed to a later date. But since we have already bersemangat with the Desaru/Singapore trip , we (Junn, Lynn and boyfriend Kami) will still make it happen. (insyaAllah) I promise you we are GOING TO HAVE A BLAST OF TIME!
This is like June 2006 being rewind again. I know I can handle it even how sucks it was, coz I’ve been through it. Nobody said it was easy but the last time I checked, I’m still breathing, alive (and kicking)!
Note to you-know-who-you-are: Even how subtle and gentle you uttered those words to me, it still doesn’t make any point coz at the end of the day, you still didn’t pick me. And it still hurt thought how unhurt you want it to be, or how sorry you were about how things turned out to be. Somehow I sensed that you make that decision coz you know I’m the stronger girl and you know I can take it. Is it fair? Naaahh.. I don’t care anymore. If you can’t see how great a girl I am, it means you don’t deserve me. I may sound arrogant and annoying, but I was there, in front of you, with all the love in the world in my hands and myself to offer to you, yet you feel you don’t love me as much. People that don’t deserve me, don’t deserve a drop of my tears. Tell me again, is it my loss? Or yours? Today is the day I decided I will get over you. Even how hard it is.
I realized that compare to other things, my problem (which I yang carik sendiri at the first place) is rather insignificant. Okay, okay, forget global warming, war in Iraq or world poverty for two seconds. Look around Sye, my friends are having the toughest time of their lives. Yet I’m complaining that my problem is suffering me? My dearest Ani was being cheated by the (ex)fiance 45 days before walking down the aisle after 7 years being together! Fara also faced the same fate last year (all due to the stupidity of Allah’s creature called M*N). Eda is having financial difficulty (eh sorry), Diana is having the hardest time of her life with the Chi*nese boss who never learn even to say thank you, Shahnaz with her factory’s workers and financial problem and other friends’ problems which if being put side-by-side with mine, mine would look like a fish in the ocean. I have to be strong, for them. Especially for dear Ani coz God knows this is the hardest time of her life.. So why weep, Sye?
I’ve dozens of friends who will come running as fast as lightning whenever I send that “I Need You” cue/SOS. What else could I ask? I could not ask for more. As long as I know I have them around me, I’d be okay.
Chin up, head high dolls! Toast to all the ladies, to the losers men that have lost us, to the men that have us and to the lucky men that have yet to meet us :)
Oh, my last word to all the ladies out there: When you are in love, don’t love (too much). It’d do you good, trust me. I’ve been there, done that!