It’s Raya Eve. A night where the heat of celebration, joyous and merriment should take place. But I have this gloomy feeling creeping inside of me. Why? It’s not because of me. It was someone that made me feel like this.
My phone rang just now, right after the last berbuka. It’s not that I never received any call from him, but the sound from his voice seemed so upsetting. He asked politely whether I’m free to talk. I thought it’s just the usual “You know where she is?” calls, but turned out it wasn’t.
My heart was torn apart when he told his part of story. It’s like my whole past-two-years-life flashing back right in front of my eyes. His voice seemed so sad, I could tell that he’s fighting tooth and nail not to break in front of me. The line got cut a few times and he calls back, but keep asking me if it’s okay for him to call (turn-out that she once told him that I was a good listener 🙂 ).
He said that the relationship may seemed to have reach a wedged end when she said she needed time off, just to be by herself. He pointed out his agony that he might lose her, a fact that he couldn’t even bear to think, let alone to face it. He said that he’s sorry for what he’s done and asking me to ask her to give him a second choice. I already said that I’m not gonna take sides, but I will try my best to help out where I can.
He admitted that he had not been a good partner due to his constant checking upon her, his overly-protective acts and claimed that it’s merely derived from his undenying love to her. I can’t help to admit that I was once like that. We love so much, hence the overly-uncontrollabe behaviour. Deep inside, I can imagine putting myself in his shoes, coz I had experienced it. I explained to him that it’s not that he had been a bad companion, but sometimes small things like that could shove people away. I know it, coz it happened to me. But when you realized that you actually pushed someone away, and they have depart from you, it will already be too little too late. I couldn’t help dropping a tear when he asked,”Do you think there is a time-machine somewhere that could make me go back and redeem all my sins to her?” I really wish there is too. Really.
He said that if he lost her, he will also lost another half of his life. Coz she came with a package: she is a partner, a bestfriend, and she makes her family a part of his. He said that he couldn’t imagine living without her. All I could do was console him, stating that not to worry too much. I know how painstakingly hard it was, just to carry a thought that you and your significant other might not be together.
The last part, was a question that I could not even have the guts (supposedly) to answer. He asked, “Syeda, do you think she and I could get back together? I promised I’d be better….” As much as I wanted the answer to be YES, I couldn’t bear telling him lies. I just said, just prepare for whatever consequences that might take place. I don’t want you to hope so much and torturing yourself while in the meantime I also don’t want you to lose faith over her. I could only said that: things could be the way it used to be if only she still loves you. Even if you make 10,000 promises that you’d be better, sweep her off her feet, treat her like a princess once you were given a second chance, but if her heart doesn’t wish to be in the relationship with you anymore, all of that will be of no use.
We hung upon the phone after few cut-calls. I said that I’m all ears if he ever needed me tomorrow, but I said that if he ever calls, it shows that he didn’t take my advice today seriously. I reminded him to give her all the space she wants, and just chill out. Who knows things might turn the other way around? It will be a waste of tears and depression then.
Message to her: As much as I want you to get back to him (coz the fact that he was me once-and it hurts to the bones), I really hope you could make a good decision. There are too many persons to satisfy and hurt in order to achieve great happiness. Let’s just not make the latter, us.